I Don’t Want to Die This Way
By Han Keyou (Hanshan · USA)
Translated by Cao Shui
Edited by Arthur Peng
I am not Hai Zi
not Gu Cheng
not Pushkin, who fought a pistol duel
still less would I dare follow Qu Yuan
and leap into the surging waves of the Miluo River
turning the eight-hundred-li Dongting Lake into one vast tomb
Through the centuries
what have people been mourning
the madness of poetry
the humiliation and fury of heroes
or countless wronged souls
reborn time and again in helplessness
In truth, this world
is more absurd than poetry
some proclaim lies as truth
some hold justice high
yet give their souls to ghosts in the dark
I will not die senselessly
if I must leave
I hope it will be on a night when moonlight flows like water
I will leave my final cry to the dawn
I will hold my head high
to give meaning to a life deemed lowly
A flower
a cup of wine
a friend far away
an unfinished poem
and
a heart still beating in the deep of night
To live
is an act of defiance
and I
will not let my final poem become a poem of death
I will write to the sea
write to my homeland
write to those souls who, in the darkness
still have not given up searching for the light
September 15, 2026